raquelplankDoes your partner do something that totally turns you off? Does the way they chew their food make you want to be sick? Are you rolling your eyes every time they start a story with “this one time at band camp”? In the realm of romantic relationships, there may come a time when you experience what’s commonly referred to as “the ick”—a sudden and inexplicable feeling of discomfort or aversion toward your partner. While unsettling, experiencing the ick is a common phenomenon and doesn’t necessarily signify the end of the relationship. Believe it or not, it doesn’t have to be the end. Instead, it can serve as an opportunity for growth, introspection, and communication. Let’s explore some constructive steps to take when faced with the ick in your relationship.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings:
Take inventory of your feelings about the person and the relationship. Is the behavior giving you the ick just a symptom of a larger issue? The first step in dealing with the ick is to acknowledge and validate your feelings. It’s okay to feel uncomfortable or uncertain about your relationship, and denying or suppressing these emotions will only exacerbate the issue. Take some time to reflect on what specifically is causing you to feel this way and try to pinpoint any underlying reasons or triggers. Many times it isn’t the way they chew or how they start a story that is really bothering you.
2. Communicate Openly and Honestly:
Sometimes I feel like every conversation about relationships comes back to improved communication. Effective communication is essential in navigating the complexities of the ick. Be honest with your partner about your feelings, but approach the conversation with sensitivity and empathy. Use “I” statements to express how you’re feeling without placing blame, and encourage an open dialogue where both parties can share their perspectives without judgment. This may go over better if addressed at a time in private and not in the middle of the activity giving you the ick. This will help reduce the risk of embarrassing your partner or putting them on the defensive.
3. Identify the Root Cause of the Ick:
Delve deeper into the root cause of your discomfort to better understand why you’re experiencing the ick. Is it a specific behavior or habit of your partner that’s triggering these feelings? Are there unresolved issues or conflicts in the relationship that need to be addressed? Identifying the underlying cause can help you work towards finding a resolution together. The behavior might not even be something that your partner realizes they are doing. The whole thing might be an easier fix than you realize.
4. Focus on Self-Care:
During times of relationship distress, it’s important to prioritize self-care and emotional well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, whether it’s spending time with friends, pursuing hobbies, or practicing mindfulness and self-reflection. Taking care of yourself will not only help alleviate stress but also provide clarity and perspective on your relationship. Giving yourself time to reflect on your relationship can help you determine what is important to you and what behaviors you are willing to compromise on for the sake of the relationship.
5. Seek Professional Guidance if Needed:
If you’re struggling to navigate the ick on your own or if it’s significantly impacting your mental health, consider seeking professional guidance by scheduling an appointment with me. As a trained professional, I can offer unbiased support, tools, and strategies to help you work through your feelings and make informed decisions about your relationship. I can also offer support to you in discovering the root cause of your feelings and remedying the ick.
6. Evaluate the Relationship Dynamics:
Use the experience of the ick as an opportunity to evaluate the dynamics of your relationship. Are there underlying issues or patterns of behavior that need to be addressed? Assess whether the relationship aligns with your values, goals, and long-term aspirations, and determine if both partners are willing to invest the necessary effort to overcome challenges together. Beyond communication, the second most common key point to a relationship is the partners’ willingness to address issues and work through them together.
7. Give Yourself Time and Space:
Lastly, permit yourself to take time and space to process your feelings and emotions. It’s okay to step back from the relationship temporarily to gain clarity and perspective. Occasionally, the best course of action is to take a break. Use this time to reconnect with yourself, reassess your priorities, and determine the best course of action moving forward.
Conclusion:
Experiencing the ick in a relationship can be unsettling, but it doesn’t have to spell the end of the partnership. By acknowledging your feelings, communicating openly with your partner, and prioritizing self-care, you can navigate through this challenging phase with grace and compassion. The ick is a sign that the new is starting to wear off and a relationship is on the cusp of becoming more serious. Whether it leads to renewed growth and understanding within the relationship or prompts a decision to part ways amicably, the experience of the ick can serve as a valuable opportunity for self-discovery and personal growth.
