raquelplankYou’ve decided to take a chance and have a consultation with a relationship consultant. Now what? What do you ask? Where do you begin? As a relationship consultant, my clients often come to me with the same concerns. Here is an example of ten questions that I have received to give you an idea of what counseling can do for you.
1. “How can I improve communication with my partner and ensure we truly understand each other?”
My experience as a relationship consultant allows me to take time to listen to both partners with an open mind. I can then assess where the communication breakdown is occurring. Is one partner failing to listen to the other? Are both parties listening but failing to understand? Is there a more effective way for the partners to communicate with each other?
A great technique to ensure you understand the other person is to repeat back to them what you believe they have said. Then they can confirm or edit your interpretation to clear up any miscommunications.
2. “My partner and I have different love languages. How can we navigate this and ensure we both feel loved and appreciated?”
I feel like the idea of love languages is outdated. However, I do understand the concept of each person showing and receiving love in their own way. The way one partner shows love may not be perceived as intended by the other partner. Many times improving communication and showing appreciation for each other helps both parties to feel loved. Sometimes when we’ve been in relationships for a lengthy amount of time we start expecting our partners to read our minds or know what we need without telling them. Going back to the basics of communication helps bring the couple back together and remember that it is ok to share how they are feeling.
3. “We’re facing challenges in our relationship. What strategies can we implement to navigate difficult times and strengthen our bond?”
Each relationship is different and experiences a diverse amount of challenges. I would suggest scheduling an appointment with a relationship consultant to analyze the relationship from an outside perspective. The consultant will be able to assess specific needs and address the best ways to strengthen the bond with your partner.
4. “Is there a way to revive the spark in a long-term relationship and keep the romance alive?”
Absolutely! Often in long-term relationships partners will find themselves falling into comfortable practices that can get stale and leave both parties feeling lackluster. By taking time to devote to reviving the relationship and taking steps out of their comfort zone, couples can find new experiences to bring them closer together. A relationship reset may be just what the relationship needs to keep the romance alive.
5. “My partner and I have different values. How can we find common ground and build a stronger connection despite our differences?”
One of the best ways to overcome differences in a relationship is to focus on what you two have in common. There must have been something that brought the two of you together at the beginning. By focusing on the similarities and building on those, the differences will become less important. I won’t lie to you though. There are rare times when the divide is just too wide and the values are just too different. This person might not be the best match for you. Regardless, I will be there to assist you and your partner as you explore your relationship and make those types of determinations.
6. “Balancing work, family, and personal time is challenging. How can we maintain a healthy relationship amidst our busy lives?”
Let’s face it, everyone is busy. Everyone is dealing with work, school, family, friends, etc. The hard part is prioritizing your relationship over everything else. Even when busy and exhausted, we make time for the things we want to make time for in our lives. If your relationship is important to you, which I know it is, then you will find ways to prioritize that relationship in your life. It may mean sacrificing the last twenty minutes of your favorite television show or getting up half an hour earlier in the morning. Those small ways that you put your relationship first will go a long way in maintaining a healthy relationship in the long run.
7. “We’re considering moving in together. What are the key factors to discuss and consider before taking this step in our relationship?”
It may sound silly but one of the first factors I would consider before moving in together is determining which one of you is the “clean” one. I can not tell you how many fights are generated over who takes the trash out or who leaves their clothes on the floor. Beyond the basic considerations you would make for any roommate situation, I would say just approach everything from a place of curiosity instead of judgment. We were all raised differently and all learned how to put the toilet paper on the roll a different way. A division of duties can help a couple navigate the mundane life chores without getting burned out or feeling like they are the only ones pulling their weight.
8. “Dealing with trust issues is impacting our relationship. What steps can we take to rebuild trust and move forward?”
Trust is always an important part of any relationship. In my experience, a breakdown of trust usually occurs when someone is failing to be vulnerable with their partner. They may be reserved or dishonest because they are embarrassed by their behavior or fearful of their partner’s response. Working with a relationship consultant can help each person feel safe to speak their truth and be vulnerable with one another once again. Addressing the dishonesty and taking small steps to rebuild trust is the best way to rebuild and move forward.
9. “How can we navigate conflicts in a constructive way, ensuring that both partners feel heard and respected?”
Honestly, this is what relationship counseling is all about for the health of your relationship. I would say the majority of my clients come to me with a question similar to this one. My job then is to mediate between the couple. I listen to both parties. I help them listen to each other. If there is a communication breakdown, we isolate and resolve it together. I find new ways to repeat what their partner is saying to better help them understand each other. When everyone feels heard and respected, they are more positive about the course of their relationship. Sometimes getting everyone on the same page is a quick and easy process. Sometimes it may take practice and that is okay.
10. “What role does self-care play in a healthy relationship, and how can we prioritize individual well-being while still being supportive partners?”
It is impossible to give love from an empty cup. Self-care plays a vital role in maintaining a healthy relationship. I know many people who prioritize their partner’s and their children’s needs above their own. It takes teamwork to acknowledge when each person in the relationship may need to take some time for themselves. Self-care is not just getting a shower for the day or just being able to go to the gym. Those are tasks that we do to maintain our own health. Self-care would be something that you do for yourself outside of necessity. Take a walk, read a book, visit a friend, or do something that recharges your battery. A happy partner is the best kind of partner. Once you’ve taken care of yourself then you can better support your partner and their needs.
There is no limit to what you may ask your relationship consultant. I just ask that you keep it respectful. Hopefully, this list gives you a good place to start on your journey to improve your relationships. I look forward to hearing from you soon.
